Week #4: Doctrine of Eternal Marriage

 

It is true that covenant marriages should have companions that give 100 percent.  In a world where marriage is considered contractual, a contract one can cancel at any time and for any reason, there is waning hope for the sanctity and success of marriage.  Every marriage is tested, and often.  The difference between “covenant” marriages and “contractual” marriages is the view of the magnitude of divorce and the desire to work through ones challenges for the greater good of both parties (and families where children are present).  In a General Conference address for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in October 1996, Bruce C. Hafen of the seventy shared “three wolves” that commonly test marriages.  These wolves are “natural adversity”, our “own imperfections”, and “excessive individualism”. (Hafen, 1996) 

We will all experience adversity naturally in marriage, whether through ill health, loss of a child or loved one, loss of a job, or the like.  What we do in the face of such adversity will be the deciding factor in our success as married couples.  Do we turn toward each other or away?  Do we share our feelings, however painful and difficult that may be?  Do we point fingers, blame, and shame or do we accept our portion of responsibility and lift our spouse as they bear their portion?  All of these factors play a part in the success of a marriage in dealing with natural adversity.  Natural adversity is something we cannot avoid yet negative outcomes due to these challenges within our marital relationship are avoidable. 

Our imperfections are opportunities for refinement of self and the marriage relationship.  As we strive to overcome our weaknesses and to lean on our spouses for support of our desire to better ourselves we not only grow individually but collectively.  As we strive to lift our spouse by praising their accomplishments and triumphs over imperfections we improve our relationship and ourselves.  My husband has a hard time expressing his emotions, especially when he is stressed.  Growing up an only child and being left alone often due to the absence of his working single mom, he had to deal with many challenges alone.  He learned to rely on himself.  He has worked really hard to learn to share his feelings with me, to allow me to listen and to sympathize with work troubles or general worries.  I feel more connected to him when he opens up to me.  Being that he has an innate desire to “fix” his own problems and not have to rely on anyone he has to fight the urge to keep things to himself, and to resist asking for help.  Each time he opens up to me he feels a sense of relief and his conviction to allow me to shoulder the burden or just to allow him to vent, is renewed. 

 

Excessive individualism seems to be becoming the new norm in society.  “Ours is an age of the waning of belonging.” (Hafen, 1996)  The desire for autonomy is a commendable one if not taken to excess.  The Lord desires us to be self-sufficient but not to “go it alone” in life either.  Satan would have us seek his exploited “refuge” of “alone time” and for us to pull away from loved ones, especially in times of crisis.  He attempts to make us believe that we need “space” and that we can count on no one but ourselves.  He is not called the “father of lies” for no reason. 

Our desire to overcome adversity, imperfection, and excessive individualism will draw us to each other as married partners.  As we lean on one another, lift and encourage one another, and rely on and trust one another a covenant marriage will grow and prosper.  As for contractual marriage there is the potential for similar success if each party is willing to sacrifice and work for the good of the other.  Sadly, it seems that among these marriages the convenience of ending the contract is often too enticing and an easier road than working and sacrificing.  The Lord has instructed us to enter covenant marriages so that we might attain our highest glory with Him.  Although some marriages of a contractual nature succeed and prosper in today’s society the promised blessings of a covenant marriage are only made to those that enter the everlasting covenant of marriage.  As the Lord says in Doctrine and Covenants sections 132,

Therefore, if a man marry him a wife in the world, and he marry her not by me nor by my word, and he covenant with her so long as he is in the world and she with him, their covenant and marriage are not of force when they are dead, and when they are out of the world; therefore, they are not bound by any law when they are out of the world. (v. 15)

And again, verily I say unto you, if a man marry a wife, and make a covenant with her for time and for all eternity, if that covenant is not by me or by my word, which is my law, and is not sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, through him whom I have anointed and appointed unto this power, then it is not valid neither of force when they are out of the world, because they are not joined by me, saith the Lord, neither by my word; …they cannot, therefore, inherit my glory… (v. 18)

And again, verily I say unto you, if a man marry a wife by my word, which is my law, and by the new and everlasting covenant, and it is sealed unto them by the Holy Spirit of promise, by him who is anointed, unto whom I have appointed this power and the keys of this priesthood; and it shall be said unto them—Ye shall come forth in the first resurrection; and if it be after the first resurrection, in the next resurrection; and shall inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths—…in time, and through all eternity; and shall be of full force when they are out of the world;… (v.19)

If we truly love our spouse, if we desire selflessness and charity, if we desire our love to grow and thrive throughout time and all eternity, then we need to keep a focus and goal of eternal, covenant marriages.

References:

Hafen, B.C. (1996, November).  Covenant Marriage. Ensign. 26