In his address titled
“Beware of Pride”, President Benson shares ways that pride is manifest in our
lives (and marriages). He says, “It is…in…faultfinding,
gossiping, backbiting, murmuring, living beyond our means, envying, coveting,
withholding gratitude and praise that might lift another, and being unforgiving
and jealous”. (Benson, 1989) Many of these manifestations can exist in a
marriage. In a material world there are
many that live well beyond their means as they attempt to keep up with
neighbors, friends, or a perceived necessary lifestyle. I have heard friends speak of their envy and
jealousy of other friends who travel abroad, drive high end cars, or live in
large and unnecessarily spacious homes.
While we all desire to have nice things our priorities should lie in
providing needs first and wants only if practical and affordable.
We live now in a
home that is about half the size of our old home in Ohio. We went from almost 4,000 square feet to just
over 2,000 in our move in 2015. It was
tempting to purchase a larger home, to have something similar to the home we
had back east. But the home prices in
Arizona are much higher and an equivalent home would cost us almost three times
as much a month. While the extra space
would be nice, it isn’t necessary to the general happiness and security of our
family so we choose to be happy where we are and content with what we
have. Now I won’t lie and say that I
never enter another persons home that is larger and wish that I had more space
but these experiences always give me the opportunity to reflect on why we moved
to begin with. We moved to be closer to
our family in the west. We knew there
would be sacrifices for all of us and that they would be hard but we have felt
profoundly blessed in making them.
As for the many
other aspects of pride that President Benson mentioned, namely backbiting,
faultfinding, murmuring, withholding gratitude and praise that might lift
another, and being unforgiving, these can wreak havoc on a marriage too! Dr. H. Wallace Goddard in his book, “Drawing
Heaven into Your Marriage” says that, “acceptance may be more important than
change in strong marriages.” (Goddard, 2009)
Our acceptance of our partner’s faults, bad habits, and differences can
either tear us apart or, with acceptance, allow us to come together. Often times the fault we find is more with
ourselves than with our partner. Is his
leaving his wet gym clothes hanging over the side of the bathtub hurting
anyone? No. Are they unsightly to me? YES!
If I told him that I didn’t like them there he may move them, he may
not. But in the grand scheme of life and
eternity, they aren’t hurting anyone and it doesn't matter. And if it doesn't matter then I can let it go
because my relationship with my husband is more important than getting
frustrated about some wet gym clothes. He
doesn’t intend to upset me, I know. And
even if he knew it bothered me and did it just the same, a conversation about
why it bothered me and why he would do it knowing it bothered me would prove
more beneficial than stewing about it. Having
this conversation would be what Dr. Goddard called, “…getting heaven’s
perspective and being open to our partner’s point of view”. (Goddard,
2009)
If we are to
avoid pride in marriage and with all our relationships we must make it a choice
in all encounters. We have to choose to
forgive, as hard as it may be sometimes.
As it says outside a country church in Alabama “A happy marriage is the
union of two forgivers.” (Goddard, 2009)
References:
Benson, E. T. (1989, May).
Beware of Pride. Ensign.
Goddard, H. W. (2009). Drawing heaven into your marriage:
powerful principles with eternal results.
Cedar Hills, UT: Joymap Publishing.
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