Week #12: Transitions in Marriage: Power Relations and Children

It is meant that husbands and wives are to be equal partners.  As it says in The Family: A Proclamation to the World, “…fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.” (The Family, para. 7)  This leaves no room for exceptions when it comes to a man (or women) believing that they can exercise unrighteous dominion over their spouse.  H. Burke Peterson said, “Sometimes a husband may believe that his role as head of the house gives him a right to be exacting and arbitrarily prescribe what his wife should do.  But in a home established on a righteous foundation, the relationship of a man and woman should be one of partnership.  A husband should not make decrees.  Rather, he should work with his wife until a joint decision palatable to both is developed.” (Miller, 2008)

The Lord meant for husbands and wives to be equal partners, equally yoked in power to work the teachings of the gospel of Jesus Christ into family life.  This approach warrants the greatest number of blessings as well as fosters the greatest level of respect among marriage partners.  Respect for the priesthood as well as motherhood gives great balance to a marriage relationship and allow each spouse to balance the deficiencies of the other. 

 

There is no room for competition in marriage.  “Sometimes patriarchal leadership is misconstrued and exercised inappropriately by husbands, almost as if they were competing with their family members.  If their wives or children held opinions that differed with theirs, they were not honoring his priesthood.  What a sad distortion of the majesty and beauty of the priesthood authority!” (Brinley, 1994) We all have valuable insights and experience to bring to our marriages, there is no need for an imbalance of power.

While it is most often spoken of that men have this challenge it is not without saying that women too can exhibit or foster an imbalance of power in their marriages.  When parenting practices or household purchases (such as furniture) are not considered for consultation between spouses then there can become a feeling of exclusion for husbands.  While these practices may seem benign they can perpetuate further exclusion and power imbalance if tolerated or unchecked too long.  If a wife makes a large purchase without consulting her husband and he disregards it then there is a greater likelihood that she will not hesitate to fail to consult him again in the future.  I am not saying that women can’t make decisions without men but that a relationship built on mutual consideration exemplifies respect and mutual appreciation of the others view.  

References:

Brinley, D. E. (1994). Strengthening your marriage and family. Salt Lake City, UT: Bookcraft.

Miller, R. B. (2008, March). Who is the Boss?  Power Relationships in Families. Brigham Young University.

The family: A proclamation to the world. (1995, November). Ensign, 25, p. 102.